But Love Builds Up

Joe: Retreat

I went to a retreat over the weekend with Intervarsity. Ever since I read 1 John last last friday, God has really been laying it on my heart to love others. 1 John 3:16 says:

 ¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Love = Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ went to hell and back for us. He was willing to give up everything that he was in order to be saved.

He was even willing to be forsaken by God in order to save me.

We are called to do the exact same love. We are called to love to the point where we are willing to lay down our salvation for those around us. In Romans 9, Paul says that he wish he could be cut off from Christ, if only his people would be saved.

That’s some crazy love.

I was scared to pray this. Can I really love that much? Do I really want to?

Then this situation happened to me.

One of my friends, Julia, went with me to retreat. We had a relay race, and the first stint was to swim through the cold ocean. When she did so, she overexerted herself and went into shock. I didn’t realize until the end of the game. I was freaking out. I prayed to God, I know this is for your glory. Make it for your glory.

Apparently it wasn’t that bad, but I was still freaking worried.

Later that night, Julia came back. I was so relieved. I was so overjoyed. She was fine. Then, the speaker had an altar call of sorts. I remember judging him, saying that this was not the correct way to spread the Gospel. That his method of spreading was incorrect. Then one of my suitemates stood up.

I’ve been praying for him since 4 weeks ago. Seeing him stand up was good I guess. But cheering and crying out and hugging my suitemate would not have been a natural reaction from me.

And then it hit me.

My suitemate just got saved from eternal damnation. Here I am worrying about the stupidest things, the most useless things. I’m worried about facts, I’ve turned the Gospel into a list of things to intellectually assent to, something that, if accepted truly into yourself through Jesus, will change you.

Julia was under temporary shock.

Where’s my love? Why do I not love my suitemate like I loved Julia at that moment?

God said to me at that moment:

Joe, you think you love? You think you’re saying it right or something? Check your heart condition.

Me:….*Sigh* You’re right. You always are. God, teach me to love completely, wholly, to lay my life down for my brothers. Something more than I can understand, let me have that love. It’s no longer a matter of surrendering, but rather what I will get in return.

God my heart is a heart of stone. Change it to a heart of flesh. Let me be sensitive. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Let me love. Let me love. Let me love. Let me love so fully. This is how I know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for me. Lord, let me love others in the same way.

Jesus Christ, You are beautiful.

In response, I went up to Lily and apologized. I took her advice personally. I took it as she had to blow me out of the water. I took it as she was yargh at me and that I was judging her or something. I really held it against her…indirectly somehow. Anyway, I went up to her and apologized for being judgmental, for assuming, for being proud and arrogant. For not being tactful. For not being loving. Everything I’m really good at being bad at.

Lily’s response: That’s cool.

It kind of broke my heart when she said that. But it’s no big deal. I showed my love toward her. It doesn’t need to be reciprocated. I apologized for my lack of love. I got it over with.

But it still breaks my heart.

Cool story btw. Intervarsity at USC is constantly reminding us that race matters. And we sing a lot of spanish songs. Somehow, it’s liberating.

It takes away from that burden of trying to understand the lyrics so perfectly, as if we could ever understand it. It takes away that distraction from myself.

At the same time, you don’t fully understand the words.

I was talking to a friend of mine called Joyce about understanding the words when we sing. I read a quote by Kim Walker:

When you sing a worship song, you should be prepared to sing it with your full heart.

I partially agree. I think this miracle has been speaking to me a lot lately.

Context: A kid has a spirit. The father comes before Jesus.

²¹ Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

   “From childhood,” he answered. ²² “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

   ²³ “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

 ²⁴ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

 ²⁵ When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

Help me with my unbelief.

and Jesus helped him.

Help me with understanding your song. Grant me grace. I may not understand, others may not, but let me not judge. Just help us all with our unbelief.

Why do I have a question here, so that people like Darren Yau and Bryan Zhou can answer with a reply?