Oh Hai Dere.
Let me give a quick summary of what happened today:
Went to Parish(?) Square. Gave free sandwiches to two world war two veterans. Talked to them for about an hour and a half. Went to Skid Row. Talked to one guy. Just watched people. Went back to USC. Helped my friend pack gifts for Operation Christmas Child. Celebrate my friend’s birthday.
So this overall day have been eyeopening and relieving to finally understand the problem I have with the Church, or, rather, the problem I have with myself.
The Two world war two veterans’ names were George and Terry. They were drafted into the war. George was a marine. He is also an alcoholic. When he grew older, his kids kicked him out of the house for being such an alcoholic. It’s sad, but there must be so much pain and hurt in this man’s life.
George on the other hand. He was jacked up. When I looked into his eyes, for a moment I thought he was blind, or hard of vision. Which could have been true. But I think it was because he saw a lot of crap. Here’s a couple conversations we had:
1)
George: Terry? He’s really smart and intelligent. He teaches me a lot. Right Terry?
Terry:…
George: Say something Terry!
Terry:…I am the Devil.
I have been for 60 years.
Everyone hates me and want to kill me.
I want to kill them.
He kept repeating this 5 or 6 times. He would laugh after everytime he said “I am the Devil.”
2)
Terry: Fuck everyone. Fuck God. Heaven was something your mom made up for you.
George: You’re going to hell man. Don’t say that.
Terry: …
3)
George: Terry’s really smart. He’s really intelligent. Say something Terry!
Terry:…
George: C’mon man. Talk!
Terry:…
George: Talk like a man!
Terry:…*Looks at me and my suitemate Brian* Kill. Kill. Kill.
At that moment, I wasn’t as much afraid as heartbroken. This man was 60+ years old. He has diabetes. I’m pretty sure he also had arthritis. If he attacked me, I’m sure I could run away faster. But his eyes were so sad, rather than angry. His interpretation that, in order to stay a man, you must kill.
3)George: Terry! What did you do in Vietnam? What did you do there?
Terry:…
George: C’mon Man! Tell these people what you did!
Terry: Kill lots of people.
George: (slightly crestfallen) Besides that, man.
Terry: Nothin’.
Dang.
There was a lot of Terry because it was his brokenness that was most communicated to me, but George was also pretty messed up. His daughters and his nephews kicked him out and left him on the street. He has diabetes. He doesn’t have a place to sleep. He barely gets food. He calls himself a Christian. He used to be an alcoholic. He might still be one, who knows? He went to Vietnam, his brother, his friends, his cousins died there before he was enlisted. And then he fought. And then he came back.
George also loved Terry. Cared for him immensely at least. This man has my admiration, yet my pity, yet my hard-heartedness, yet my sorrow.
This is what love is about. This is what God is calling us to do. He doesn’t call us to go to the poor and simply just give out food and water. He calls us to consider them brothers. Jesus would frequently first love on people, then spread the Gospel and the truth of why they were there.
Another interesting instance of my Christianity being challenged was Brian wanted to check out skid row. I joined him. We were walking down the road, obviously out of place. Some man walks to us and says
Hey are you spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ?
Us:…Kind of.
While the gospel of Jesus Christ was important, it was something that we felt that we shouldn’t specifically bring up, or force, or entice. We wanted to love first, preach later.
“We’re here to understand what these people are going through, and, hopefully, to spread the good news of Jesus.”
Me and Brian are Chiense. This man had a notion that many chinese people are wealthy. And that it was simply an insult and a hypocrisy for rich people to walk over from their rich world and help out those in need. It was true. We are hypocrites. We are pharisees. We talk about the good news. We talk about transformation. We talk about all these high and lofty terms, but we don’t love.
The verse that I’ve been thinking about is John’s petition to the church in 1 John 3: 17-18
17 If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? 18 Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
What are we doing? How can we even think of spreading the Gospel to the projects? What type of hypocrites are we? The worst type: the ones who don’t even know.
It was alleviating to know that someone else understood the issue with the church that I was having. I’ve been annoyed by the fact that people feel an obligation to love, or, they use events like going to skid row or Operation Christmas child or 30 hour famine to hypothetically show love. Rather, it should be totally different. We should love all the time. Events shouldn’t define our love the way it does.
There’s more. But I need to go to church.
